Rogue
by TStabler
Summary: The Special Victims Unit has lost one of their best detectives. At least, they believe they have. Elliot knows the truth, and he's beginning to hunt for the man responsible on his own, without a plan, without back up, without permission. But with her. E/O
1. Part 1

**A/N: A new one. I dreamed about it. Hope you enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and related characters/ideas belong to Dick Wolf. Original plot and dialogue belong to TStabler©**

"That's the fourth guy that's come in here, Cap," Fin said, rubbing his eyes. "If you don't keep kickin' em out, we're gonna be in trouble."

Cragen shook his head. "No one compares...no one measures up to her," he said with a shrug.

"You're never gonna find another Olivia Benson," Elliot said, speaking from experience. "As long as I don't have to work with the new hump you hire, I'm fine."

"Hey," Munch said. "You got me now, Stabler," he said, folding his arms.

Fin sighed. "Now I get stuck with the rookie," he said. "Stabler, you okay?" he asked, narrowing his eyes. "You haven't cried yet today, haven't yelled at anyone in about an hour, haven't..."

"I'm good," Elliot said, nodding. He took a deep breath and said, "We all have out own way of grieving. I got it out of my system this morning."

"Yeah," Fin said. "I'm sure McVaiden's arm wishes you weren't so pissed off. It snapped like a fuckin' twig."

Elliot shook his head. "Everyone who comes in, Fin, I...I think it's him, and..." he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. "I got the confession, didn't I?" he asked, his eyes still closed.

Munch hung his head and sighed at that moment. "It's not the same around here without her. She lit up the place, ya know?"

Elliot opened his eyes and smiled, a small, sad, smile. "Yeah, Munch," he said. "I know."

"Elliot," Cragen said, tilting his head, "You're having trouble, kid. You got divorced, then Olivia...well, we don't know what happened, but she's gone. You're the only one that hasn't been evaluated, and you need it the most. Go talk to Huang, I can..."

"I don't need therapy, Cap," Elliot interrupted, snapping. "I told you, I'm fine. I'm handling this, and I'm fine!" He took another deep breath and said, "Once we catch the son of a bitch, I'll be even better."

"We all will," Fin said. "It's messed up, man," he said. "No body, no evidence of her at all...no closure...I can't...I don't know about you guys but I fuckin' need answers, and I'm not restin' until I get 'em."

Elliot furrowed his brow. "You think I am?" he asked, angry now. "Shit, Fin, I haven't slept since it happened, I keep looking for her in stupid places, and...forget it," he hissed, not trying to explain, afraid something would slip. He looked down at his watch and said, "I, uh...I gotta cut outta here. Nine-thirty, my kids are expecting..."

"Go," Cragen said. "It's better you're not here for the next one, anyway. She's a tall brunette," he told the squad with a wary look on his face.

"Right," Elliot said, rising. "I'll see you guys," he said, grabbing his jacket.

"Oh, hey, Elliot!" Cragen called, stopping him. "You have to be in Tucker's office tomorrow morning. He's writing you up for that accident in the interrogation room this morning, unless you go see Huang."

Elliot rolled his eyes and grunted, grabbing his keys. He walked out of the squad room, down the stairs, out of the building and toward his new place. It was within walking distance, and he enjoyed the trip. It gave him time to himself, time to think, and time to look at the people around him. Anyone who might be following him, especially.

He turned the corner, seeing his new townhouse in the distance. When he bought it, he was asked too many questions about why he needed such a big place, since now it was just him. His excuse was the kids, he got them two weekends a month, but the real reason was a secret, and needed to remain one.

He walked up the stairs, looking over his shoulder and in both directions. He slowly turned the key and stepped inside, then closed the door behind him, locking it. There were six locks on the door, so it took him a while, but then he turned and looked toward the window. "Hey," he said, hanging his jacket on the hook on the door.

"What was it like?" the woman asked, not turning to look at him. "Being out there? Working?"

Elliot shrugged as he walked over to her. "Depressing, to be honest. Everyone's a mess, Cragen can't hire a new partner for Fin, because he feels like he's betraying...you." He sighed and wrapped her in his arms. "And Munch pissed me off about seven times today," he said. "I broke a guy's arm, because Munch can't talk me down. I just...I can't work right, I can't think straight with anyone else."

She leaned back into his embrace and said, "At least you got to go outside today. You got fresh air, you got to see people..."

"Hey," he said, turning her around. "You're gonna get your life back, just..."

"How do you know that?" she asked, her eyes gray, not white. "Fuck, Elliot, I've been locked in here for six weeks, and no one is any closer to finding this asshole."

He smirked and looked down at her. "Being here isn't all that bad," he said, trailing his fingers up and down her arms. "You're catching up on your reading, you're getting more sleep than you ever have, you've got an incredible guy waiting on you hand and foot," he explained, his smile growing. "And your sex life is pretty damn amazing," he said, smirking.

She gave him a small, closed-eyed smile. "I'll give ya that," she said. "I just...I hate that they're all clueless. I hate that they think you need psychiatric help because you have these horrible mood swings, they don't know why, and I hate that I'm in here when I should be out there, chasing the fucker who tried to kill me," she said, emotion building. "I hate that I haven't even gone outside to get the mail, that all of my friends think I'm dead, and that you and your kids are the only people I am allowed to see, to talk to, El, it's..."

"Protective custody," he interrupted. "I had to fight the feds tooth and nail to get them to let me be your detail. Do you know what I would have done? I mean, shit, if Porter hadn't come to me I would have thought you were dead, too, and then I'd..."

"I don't wanna go there," she said, dropping her head into his chest. "Just tell me how close you are to finding him, and how much does Cragen know?"

Elliot sighed and kissed her forehead. "Porter's got a few suspects. I've got a few of my own."

"Who?" she asked, her eyes widening,

He sighed and closed his eyes. "I can't tell you that," he said. "You know I can't. Cragen...baby, Cragen doesn't know anything. No one does. I can't say shit to them, you know that. I'd put your life in even more danger, because..."

"You think one of them is involved?" she asked, tilting her head. "El, is that why I can't go back to work?"

Elliot ignored her question. "This is not a Special Victims case," he said, changing the subject, "So they don't need to know anything, and we don't know who they'd talk to if they knew."

"You think one of them did this, don't you?" she asked, her eyes narrowing.

His eyes rolled and he looked at her, a serious expression on his face. "I'm not saying yes, I'm not saying no. But it would make a lot of sense, wouldn't it?"

She nodded and sighed, too. "Yeah," she said. "First he stalks me, sends me things at work, it all had to go through security, then he jeopardizes cases by hacking into the system, then blows up my apartment," she said. "I was almost through the door...I would have been...God, I can't help thinking about what would have happened if you dropped me off any earlier. I can't..."

"I'm working the case, baby," he said, cutting her off. "I know the details. And this guy...he's been following you for almost a year. He knew your schedule, knew about me and my divorce, knew that we were involved when no one else did. He sent sick, little notes after he thought he killed you, they were so fucking detailed. He was trying to get to me, too."

"You won't let me read them," she said, looking up at him. "Why not? You think I'll get scared, or..."

"No, I just don't want you to jump to conclusions, or get any more pissed off than you are now," he said, kissing her again.

"Maybe there's something in there that will tell me who it is," she said, pleading with him.

He brushed her hair back and shook his head. "I would have found it, babe. Trust me, the only clues there are generic, Liv. He knew details of cases you worked, details of...well, us...he was probably watching us for a while, too. The only thing that says is it's either a cop or a perp out for revenge. Why do you think I'm being so fucking careful out there?"

"I can't stay cooped up like this, El," she whined, pulling out of his arms and walking into the kitchen. She opened the fridge, grabbed a mineral water, and said, "I need to do something, soon, or I'm gonna snap. I feel so fucking helpless in here." She blinked and sighed, running a hand through her freshly cut and dyed hair, rolling her eyes. "And Porter brought over that woman again, look at me! I feel like..."

"You look hot," he said, interrupting her with a grin and a chuckle. "Baby, they could shave your head and cover you in tattoos, and you'd be fucking gorgeous. Just take a deep breath, calm down, I'll order us some food, we'll watch a movie, and we'll take a bath. A nice relaxing night together, huh?"

Another pass of her fingers through her new strawberry blonde do, another sigh, and she nodded. "Sounds wonderful," she said. "I could help you with..."

Elliot walked over to her and kissed her, shutting her up. He said, "I would talk to you about it if I could, baby." He brushed his lips over her forehead softly as he said, "Any case but this, and I'm an open book, but until we have a real viable suspect, I can't risk..."

"Shh," she said, holding up a hand. "Do you hear that?" she whispered.

Elliot waited, silent for a moment. "No," he said in a whisper. "What?"

"The sound of not talking about it anymore," she said, turning around and kissing him.

"Oh, funny," he murmured against her lips.

"I am funny," she said, running her hands down his chest as they kissed.

"Absolutely hysterical," he moaned, feeling her hand travel lower, cupping his growing erection though his jeans. "Damn, baby," he seethed.

They were broken apart when the doorbell rang. They froze, both staring at the door as they reached for their guns. She wasn't on duty anymore, but she was still a cop, with a badge and gun at her hip where they belonged. No wonder they were never recovered in the rubble of her building, she kept them.

"Stay here," Elliot whispered, kissing her. He moved toward the door, slowly, holding his gun out. He looked through the peep-hole, then turned back to Olivia. "Bedroom," he said. "Now," he hissed.

Olivia rolled her eyes, hating the rules of her new life, and padded away. She knew she could convince him to let her go back to work, somehow, and she would start in on him as soon as their visitor left.

Elliot watched her move, making sure the door closed behind her, then he turned and slowly opened the door. One of his prime suspects was waiting on the other side.

**A/N: Worth continuing? Chapter two gets juicy, if you think so. Review here or on Twitter: TMG212**


	2. Part 2

**A/N: A suspect. A decision. A juicy moment in the bedroom.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and related characters/ideas belong to Dick Wolf. Original plot and dialogue belong to TStabler©**

Olivia was in the bedroom, the one she'd shared with Elliot for the last six weeks, staring at the door as if it had some kind of disease. She hated that she had to hide, run away whenever someone came knocking. She hated that she and Elliot couldn't go out to dinner or to the movies like normal couples, not that they ever had, or ever would, she just wanted to have that option.

She heard footsteps and her eyes widened. She turned, panicking, trying to find somewhere to go, and she made it there just as the door swing open.

"Tell me who the fuck you're looking for, Cap!" Elliot yelled, staring harshly at Cragen, she had just bolted into the bedroom.

Cragen looked around, seeing no one, and then turned back to him. "You left in an awful hurry," he said, folding his arms. "You said your kids were expecting you, but you don't get them until tomorrow. So who the hell is here? Who were you running home to? Is she here, Elliot?"

"Who?" Elliot yelled, rage in his voice and fury in his eyes.

"Olivia!" Cragen yelled, his eyes reflecting more pain than anger, but just as severe an emotion as Elliot's.

Elliot's face fell at the mention of her name, he had this act down pat, and he asked, "Are you trying to kill me?" He blinked once and said, "Don't you think...fuck, Cap, if she was here I wouldn't be such a goddamned mess, would I?" He shook his head and swallowed hard. "I came home because I couldn't be there anymore. Watching people come in and go out, trying to take her place, knowing that...no one should be there but her. No one should be with me but..."

"Okay," Cragen said, interrupting him, suddenly feeling guilty. "All right, I'm sorry, I just...you're acting funny, Elliot. You won't see Huang, you refuse to work nights, and one second you're trying to kill a man in the box while ten seconds later you're at your desk with a dreamy look on your face. I'm a detective. I thought maybe she was..." he paused, took another look around, and said, "It was silly. Just wishful thinking, I guess."

Elliot looked at his captain and had to fight the urge to accuse him to his face, he held back the need to ask why he followed him home and why he thought Olivia was alive, and he let out a harsh breath. "No one wants her here more than I do," he said. "Besides," he laughed, "You know Liv. If she was alive, she'd be at her desk, running searches and chasing down the fucker who tried to blow her up."

Cragen let out a small laugh with closed eyes. "She would," he said with a nod. He took another look around the room, thought he saw something moving through the window, but shook his head. "You need to see Huang, Elliot," he said, looking back at him and sighing once more. "You need to start letting her go." He walked away and listened as Elliot clicked the bedroom door closed.

"Oh, I do?" Elliot asked, his eyes narrow. The accusation thick in his voice was lost on Cragen.

"Yeah, you do," Cragen said, sounding like a disappointed father. He grabbed the front door's knob, turned, and pulled it open, stepped out into the night, and over his shoulder he said, "We all do." He slammed the door and was gone.

With a heavy sigh of relief, Elliot folded his arms and thought about the many things he had seen Cragen do over the weeks. The things he said and the way he was acting, something didn't add up, and only person was clever enough to put the pieces together. He made a decision, knowing the risk, and smirked as he realized how she would react to it.

As he thought about her, he ran back toward the bedroom and threw the door open. "Hey!" he called, looking under the bed. "Baby?" he yelled, looking in the closet. "You over here?" he asked, peeking behind the long, draped curtain.

"You're getting warmer!" her voice rang in from out of the window.

Elliot ran over and looked out, then down. "Jesus Christ!" he cried, pulling her back into the house. He laughed when she righted herself and he brushed her off. "You jumped out the window," he said, stating the obvious.

Olivia chuckled. "I panicked, El. Hiding in closets and under the bed never worked for me, ya know? She always found me, so...I made sure I went someplace no one would look."

He tilted his head and gave her his softest smile. "That's all behind you," he said.

"No, it's not," she said, biting her bottom lip and shaking her head. "I'm still hiding from people who wanna kill me. It's just not my mother anymore." Her head popped up and she furrowed her brow. "Wait," she said. "You think Cragen..."

"I didn't say that," he said, stopping her before she could finish her thought.

"You didn't have to, El," she said, looking into his eyes. "You snapped into your little act as soon as you looked through that peep hole." She held both of his hands in hers and she said, "You said it yourself, I belong behind that desk, helping you catch this guy. But if..."

He kissed her, figuring it would shut her up and distract her. "Baby," he whispered, "If you can promise, swear to me, that you will not leave this house, st least not without me, then tomorrow night, I will tell you everything I know."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Why can't you tell..."

"Because, tonight, I have plans," he told her with a smirk. He pulled her back toward the bed, gently tugging on her hands.

She raised an eyebrow and looked at him with a grin. "Your big plans," she said, sarcastically, "Include sex...and what else?"

He shook his head at her and pulled her toward him, closing his eyes as he cradled her in his arms. He ran his hands lightly over her shoulders and back as she stayed enveloped in his arms. "Just...let me hold you for a while, okay?" he asked, his voice shaky.

"What...what is this?" she questioned, worry in her words. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not acting," he whispered, turning her around and curling his body over hers, taking a moment to relish in the perfect fit. "At work, without you, with everyone reminding me that you could have been inside when the bomb went off...all of the emotions I go through are real. And then I remember that you're safe, and you're waiting here for me, and I relax. Then we get a call, I have to face a case alone, or with Munch, and without you, and I..."

"Please," she whispered, rolling herself over again to look into his eyes, "Stop talking. You said you wanted to just hold me, so do it without reminding me that our lives suck."

He blinked and stayed silent, looking at her, and then he moved, closing the gap between them and pressing his lips to hers. "They're not that bad," he murmured against her lips. His hands skimmed up her back and began to filter through her shorter, lighter, red-blonde hair, and he tugged gently. Hair pulling, a kink he'd found out about early on in their relationship, turned her on in mere seconds.

Her hands flew to his as she moaned into the kiss, smirking against his lips and she pulled away, needing to say something. "I love you," she whispered, "And if there was any way I could make things easier for you..."

"There is," he said, a new emotion in his eyes. "But like I said, I'll tell you all about it tomorrow." He kissed her softly and said, "I just want to be with you tonight, love you." He gave her short locks another gentle tug and said, "I need to forget that I almost lost you, and I need to know that I'm never gonna almost lose you again."

She blinked at him, speechless. "Never," she whispered, repeating him and trying to promise him she would never leave, but with her current situation, it was hard. "El, I..."

She was stopped by his kiss, giving into his demand to just let go and be alone tonight, with nothing but each other and their feelings. She let him sweep his hands over her body, sliding off the tee-shirt and jeans she'd been wearing all day. She chuckled against his lips as she felt him tug her badge and gun off of her hip, moving them to the end table, before pushing the denim down her legs.

He pushed her up a bit, then rolled her over onto her back, never breaking their kiss. He unbuttoned his shirt and chuckled when she pushed it off of his shoulders. He unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants, kicking them off eagerly.

They smiled at each other and laughed, feeling somehow free and light despite everything the universe had set against them. "El," she began as he lowered himself onto her, her eyes sparkling as they looked into his.

"What, baby?" he asked, nuzzling her nose and kissing her.

She moaned, waiting for him to pull his long, strong tongue out of her mouth, as it slipped in and out, between and over her lips. She moaned again, loving the way he kissed her down to the very tips of her toes. She shook her head, telling him she would tell him later, and she gripped his shoulders tightly as he lifted her legs slightly and slowly pushed into her.

He moved slowly, savoring every moment, kissing her and hiking her legs up further. He heard her moan louder and he grunted as he picked up speed, responding to her appreciative noises. He finally pulled away from her lips, gasping, panting, moving within her deeply and with great force. "Aw, fuck, baby," he grunted, his head falling back as he thrust. "You feel so damn good," he mumbled, dropping his head again to meet her drugged expression.

Her answer was a moan, her legs tightened around him and her arms slid down his back, her nails dragging violently. "El," she said softly, barely breathing, "Oh, Elliot."

"Look at me," he demanded softly. He watched her head roll to the right and her eyes met his. He moved harder, faster, snaking one hand through their writhing, intertwined bodies, and he splayed his palm over her lower abs. He smirked as he moved his thumb and dug it into her dripping, working, slit to find her clit.

"Holy shit," she seethed, her back arching. Elliot reached his other hand up to her head and tugged her hair roughly, making her scream.

"Fuck yeah," he chuckled, knowing he'd found her clit, and swiped it vigorously as he hit into her even deeper, making sure skin slapped against skin with his movements. "Louder baby," he said, pulling her hair again, not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to make her want it. "Liv," he hissed, staring into her eyes. "God damn, baby," he growled, pressing harder on her nub with his thumb.

Her back arched higher and she cried his name louder, clamping down around him like a wrench and vibrating as he throbbed inside of her. "El," she cried, "Baby, fucking hell."

He spurted and shot into her, grunting unintelligibly as he rode out his release and let her ride out her own, and he shook his head, breathing heavily as his body stilled. "No, baby," he panted. "Heaven."

She kissed him, her legs dropping limply to the mattress, and he rolled them over, letting her dink onto him as they kept their kissing languid and loving.

"Tomorrow," he breathed, packing her lightly now.

She tried to calm down, but blissful aftershocks of one of her most intense orgasms yet were rolling through her. She pressed her lips together as she shuddered, and asked softly, "What about tomorrow?"

He kissed her one last time, and looked into her eyes. "You're going back to work. From here. You and me, baby, we're gonna find him." He saw the gleam in her eyes and the smirk on her face, and he knew that he had to wait until she threw herself into the case before he could tell her something that would break her heart. He blinked once and remembered that he had something that would fix it almost immediately.

**A/N: Part three? The kids are coming! Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	3. Part 3

**A/N: A revelation. A steamy moment. A few kids. A decision.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and related characters/ideas belong to Dick Wolf. Original plot and dialogue belong to TStabler©**

Olivia hurled herself on the couch. She was bored, lonely, antsy, and anxious. She'd done every scrap of laundry in the house, including socks that she knew had holes in them or were missing their mates. She'd cleaned, thoroughly cleaned, every inch of the townhouse. People could eat off of the kitchen floor.

She'd watched daytime television for the first time in her life, and she didn't understand what other women got out of it. She scoffed at soap operas, rolled her eyes at some show with a mustached psychiatrist, and she only made it through ten minutes of a cooking show before she realized she couldn't do anything the woman on the screen was telling her to do.

She looked at the clock, sighed, and flipped through the channels, figuring evening television had to be more exciting. That's when she heard the key in the door. That's when she stood up, reaching for her gun, just in case Elliot brought home any visitors.

"Put the gun down," he said without looking at her. He closed and locked the door, hung up his jacket, and walked over to her. He leaned over and kissed her, then settled into the couch beside her.

"You brought everything home, right?" she asked, biting her lip.

He sighed and pulled a few files out from under his arm. "Baby," he said, "Do not get angry, or upset, okay?"

She watched as he slowly handed them to her, and as she read, her eyes watered. "Wow," she said, sniffling. "I didn't think they'd be this..."

"Detailed," he said with a nod. "They are. Honey, they...they really made these look legit. Every time I read them, because I read them everyday, I have to remind myself that you're all right." He ran a hand over her back and kissed her forehead. "This is scary shit," he whispered, tapping the file folder.

She flipped the pages, reading the official account of what happened to her and her apartment, reading the ton of evidence that led everyone to believe it was a cop, or someone with a lot of knowledge about the NYPD. "How did they know what he took, El? I wasn't there to..."

"I walked the scene," he interrupted. "It was hard, I cried, and I punched the already demolished wall, but I told them what was gone. If they didn't recover it, or any pieces of it, I told them it was gone."

"Who would steal pictures, Elliot?" she asked, softly and sadly, looking up into his eyes.

He shrugged. "Just the one's of us, baby. The ones of your mother are in an evidence locker. You'll get them back."

She scoffed. She rubbed her eyes and closed the file, then flipped open the next one. She gasped, looked up at Elliot, and said, "Seriously?"

He nodded. "He's actually...uh, he's at the top of the list, baby. Porter even thinks..."

"Why?" she asked, hurt. "Why would he try to..."

He pressed a finger to her lips and shook his head. "If I knew that, I'd arrest him. He's who the evidence is pointing to, Liv. He even has a photo of you and me, one I know was in your apartment, on his desk."

She narrowed her eyes. "Well, that's enough to get a..."

"No, it's not," he said, shaking his head. "It was taken at the Black and White Ball last year, anyone could have the same photo.

She grumbled and flipped the page in the file. "You think he did it to keep us apart? Because he found out about us and got pissed off, or..."

"I told you, I don't know," he said gently. "We have a few more suspects, honey, I just...my gut tells me he did this." He looked at her and asked, "Why else would he have followed me home? Why would he think you're still alive? He wants a body, Liv. He needs to know you're dead."

She took a breath, closed her eyes, and said, "So we'll give him a body."

He furrowed his brow. "What are you..."

"Tell Porter to talk to Melinda. I'm sure there's a Jane Doe somewhere in that morgue with brown hair, brown eyes, who had a similar body type. El, if he needs to have a body, give him one. It may make him give you a better reason to think he did it."

He kissed her, smirking against her lips. "You are really..."

"Pissed off," she finished, smirking back. "Someone tried to kill me, and I need to help you find out who. If there's a body, the perp is more likely to give you signs of his victory." She looked into his eyes and said, "Those notes, El. I need to read them."

He nodded and handed her another file. Several typed notes, in different sizes on different types of paper, were ordered by date. Each one gave a detailed account of how much fun it was to watch her blow up, and each one asked how Elliot felt knowing the only person he ever really loved and trusted was gone.

He watched her read them, feeling horrible as the slow tears rolled down her porcelain cheeks. He thumbed away the droplets, and pulled her close, letting her read them as she dropped her head to his shoulder.

"Hey," she said, suddenly popping her head up. "El, this one...look, didn't Cragen say the same thing when he left last night?"

Elliot took the note out of her hands, read it, and let out a strangled, angry noise. The words, "Move on. Let her go," looked up at him, after a particularly awful note describing what the man would have done if Elliot had been with her that night, what he would have made Elliot watch. "Damn it," he said, shaking his head. "See, this is why I decided to let you in on this," he said, kissing her temple.

He got up to call Porter, and Olivia flipped through the rest of the files, watching the face of old perps with a grudge blend with those of people she trusted.

* * *

An hour later, Olivia was asleep with a file on her chest, and Elliot had hung up the phone. He walked back over to the couch and chuckled, shaking her lightly.

Her eyes opened and she rubbed the sleep out of them, sitting up. "Sorry," she said.

"For what?" he laughed. "Porter said he'd talk to Melinda. She has to sign a confidentiality form and a contract, but this could work."

She nodded and ran both hands through her hair. "Good," she said, looking up at him.

"Listen, baby," he began, looking down at her. "I have an idea. Porter's against it, but you...it's gonna mean...it could be dangerous if..."

"Spit it out," she barked, nervous.

He brushed the back of his hand over her cheek and said, "I need you to help me get him. I know how we can get to him, but you might not wanna do it. If he sees you, like...thinks he's seeing you..." he paused, blinking, and said, "You might not be ready for this. Forget it."

She looked up at him and shook her head. "What are you talking about?"

"Tomorrow, okay? I'll explain it tomorrow. You cleaned," he said, looking around. "You're getting all domestic on me," he chided.

"I was bored, El," she moaned. "I can't stand being in the house anymore. I need to..."

"Shh," he hushed her. "You and me, shower, bed. We can work on the case tomorrow."

She nodded, getting up, and he took her hand. She let him lead her into the bathroom as she asked, "How did your meeting with Huang go?"

He turned, letting go of her hand as he turned the water on, making it hot. He pulled his tie and shirt off as he told her. "I got a lot of shit off of my chest," he said. "I cried, I yelled, I think he wanted to have me sedated. It was great."

She ran her hands over his back as he stood up, and she dropped gentle kisses to his shoulder blades. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, pecking his spine lightly.

He turned and cupped her face. "Don't," he told her, staring into her eyes. "None of this is your fault." He kissed her slowly, moving his hands to lift her shirt over her head. He chuckled when he saw she wasn't wearing a bra, and he moaned lightly as he pulled away from the kiss and saw her full breasts staring at him.

She smirked and said, "I'm home all day, why wear one?" She knew what he was thinking, and that was only one reason why they worked so well together.

He smiled at her, slid down her pants, and held open the curtain. He watched her step in, then shed the rest of his clothes and stepped in after her. He watched the water fall over her, and he avoided the heat rising in his body as he grabbed the body wash. A simply clean scent, so he wouldn't have to explain why he smelled like a girl, filled the room as he squeezed the creamy gel into his hands. He rubbed his palms together for a moment, then smoothed them over her body, starting at her shoulders.

"Feels good," she whispered.

He smiled, but as he watched the suds drip down her back, flowing into the delicately curved crevice between her perfect ass, he groaned. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying hard not to give in, not to make this anything more than a shower, but his hand slid down her back, following the path of the suds. He was reminded of the morning with Huang, talking about her as if she was gone, as if she was never coming back.

She moaned, dropping her head back slightly. "El," she whispered.

He leaned closer to her, flattening his body against hers, his now-rigid member pressing against her lower back. His hands slid around her body, running up her sides, over her toned stomach, making their way to her breasts. He held one in each hand, then, thumbing over her nipples, feeling them respond quickly to his touch. "God, baby," he whispered, "I need you. Now."

She leaned further into him, reaching up and wrapping an arm around he neck, holding him close to her. "Always need you," she whispered.

He gave her nipples a gentle tug, twisting just a bit, making her seethe but knowing she loved it. He ran one hand down her body, following the flow of the hot water to her slit. He ran two fingers up and down, making her moan, making her ache.

"El," she whispered again, her head dropping back further, her hand running through his hair.

He growled softly, moving both hands to her hips and turning her around. He kissed her, almost forceful, and one hand crept up her back, grabbing her short locks. He pulled hard as he nudged her legs apart, and he massaged her scalp, pulling gently on her hair as he pushed into her. His other hand rested behind her knee, holding her leg up, causing him to go deeper, harder.

She moaned loudly against his lips, her hands struggled to find a place to grip, and her nails left streaks of red as she raked them over his flesh. "Love you," she whispered, finding it hard to breathe.

The heat was intense; the steam from the hot water combined with their body heat was stifling. He didn't care; he moved faster, deeper, pounding into her hard and pulling out slowly before doing it again. "Love you, baby," he mumbled, dropping his head to kiss her again. He tugged on her hair, she scratched him harder, and they fell into a trance.

Nothing existed but here, now, them. He needed to know she was alive, and she was his. She needed him to know she wasn't going anywhere, she needed to feel him take over her body, she needed to feel alive.

"Fuck," he seethed, feeling her start to clench around her. He dropped his hand from her hair to her neck, sliding it down over every gentle curve of her body. He stopped to flick at her nipples, making her moan and chuckle, and then he slithered toward his destination. He let his middle finger sink into her working flesh, resting between her and his pistoning rod as he hammered into and out of her. His thumb swiped her clit, slowly twice than quickly twice, a pattern that drove her insane.

"Oh, God," she cried, her eyes clenching closed and her mails digging into his back.

He moved his hips and his hand faster, knowing he couldn't hold on, knowing she was close to exploding, too. "Cum for me, baby," he cooed into her ear, licking and kissing at her neck. He dropped sweet, hot kisses over her jaw line, reaching her lips. He kissed her deeply and muffled their cries and curses as they both fell over the edge they'd been teetering on for close to forty minutes.

She panted, she laughed, and she opened her eyes. "Water's cold," she said with ragged breath.

He chuckled, reaching down to turn it off, and he kissed her again. "I love you," he said, holding her close.

She wrapped her limp arms around him, trying to breathe as the emotions coursed through her wracked body. "I love you," she returned.

* * *

Once they were wrapped in their robes, they walked out of the bathroom, and Elliot sat on the couch while Olivia walked over to the fridge. "I made chicken," she said, tapping the pan on the top of the stove.

"Shit," he laughed. "Cooking, cleaning, what has protective custody done to you?"

"Nothing," she said. "I said I cooked, I didn't say it was edible," she laughed. "It's raw on the top, burnt on the bottom, and it's salty as fuck."

He laughed and shook his head. "Good thing I had a backup plan, then," he said.

There was a knock on the door, and Elliot grinned. He saw Olivia freeze and noticed her back toward the bedroom. "Honey, relax," he said, "It's Friday. It's just the kids." He unlocked the many locks and opened the door, letting four happy teenagers into the living room.

Olivia chuckled and relaxed. "Hey, guys," she said, smiling.

"Hey, Liv," Maureen said, smiling back. "Dad told us to bring pizza."

Lizzie dropped her bag and said, "Mom thinks we all need therapy."

"What?" Elliot asked, confused, as he re-locked the door.

Dickie yawned, then said, "She thinks Liv's...um...death...had a huge impact on us, and she thinks we're hiding our feelings from her because it'll upset her to see us crying over Liv."

"Well, that's your mother," Elliot said, shrugging. "I'll talk to her. I'll tell her that we spend a good chunk of Friday night crying together, how's that?"

The kids laughed as they ran over to hug Olivia, and she looked into each child's face. She wanted so desperately to have a real life with them and their father, and she needed to make the same decision that Elliot had made. She looked up at him and said, "Hey, El," with a smirk.

"What, honey?" he asked, looking up.

She narrowed her eyes, glanced at her badge and gun on the coffee table, and said, "I'm ready. Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it."

**A/N: Part four: Morning with the kids, afternoon of badass Benson getting her life back, or trying to, with the help of her partner. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	4. Part 4

**A/N: A conversation. A fulfilled favor. A broken promise. An action.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and related characters/ideas belong to Dick Wolf. Original plot and dialogue belong to TStabler©**

Olivia, wrapped safely in Elliot's arms, in their warm, comfortable bed, should have been sleeping. She should have been dreaming happy, sexy dreams about the man who had gone from partner to friend to lover, but she wasn't. She was wide awake, staring at a crack in the ceiling. It was symbolic, she thought. One crack in an otherwise perfect townhouse; anything could disrupt the foundation and make the entire thing crumble. She was the crack in Elliot's otherwise perfect life.

"Why are you not sleeping," he mumbled from beside her, his lips moving against the skin of her shoulder blade.

She sighed. She loved and hated that he always knew. "Do you think…I mean, was this really a smart idea? The kids, I mean, knowing that…"

"Liv," he sighed, rolling his eyes as they slid open. "We've gone over this, baby. They had to find out, since I have to, by law, get them on the weekends. You were gonna be here, it would have been harder to explain if they actually thought…" he paused, looked at her, and said, "For the few moments they believed you were dead, honey, they were inconsolable. I've never seen any of my kids cry like that."

She bit her lips and nodded. "But Dean, he thinks it's…"

"They're not gonna tell anyone," he interrupted. "They would never risk your life, or theirs for that matter, and they know how important it is that no one find out anything about what goes on when they're here with me. And with you." He sat up and shook the sleep off and said, "Porter said it himself, baby. It would have been a lot more suspicious if there was a reason I couldn't get my kids on the weekends. Life had to go on, we all had to act like it happened, and move on, and just…"

"Okay," she said, stopping him. "I was just making sure, because I…"

He silenced her with a kiss. "I know you're worried about them, baby. Everything's fine, though. It's all gonna be absolutely fine. You'll see." He sank back under the covers and pulled her close again, kissing her as he rolled her partially on top of him and snuggled them together.

She sighed contentedly against his lips and sank into him, letting him convince her that, for the time being at least, everything really was fine. Drifting to sleep in his arms was easier now, but thoughts and concerns still nipped at the back of her mind. She knew her dreams tonight wouldn't be happy ones.

* * *

"Can you pass the bacon?" Dickie asked, his mouth already full of scrambled eggs.

Maureen picked up the plate, passing it to her brother with an odd expression on her face. "Bacon? I thought it was beef jerky," she said.

"Hey," Elliot said, chewing on a slice of buttered toast. "Be nice. She tried, okay? It's better than the chicken," he said.

"The eggs are amazing," Lizzie declared.

Kathleen nodded with a smile. "Delicious, really," she said. "Fluffy, cheesy, perfect. What went wrong with the bacon?" she asked, looking at Olivia.

Olivia smirked as she said, "One thing at a time, okay? I got eggs down pat. Maybe tomorrow I'll get the bacon thing right."

"It's fine, baby," Elliot said, chuckling and leaning over to kiss her.

Dickie chomped into a charred slice of bacon and chuckled. "I like it crispy, Liv. Don't worry about it, I'll eat the whole pound by myself."

"Oh, no, you won't," Elliot said, yanking the plate away from his son and dropping more of the almost inedible meat onto his own dish. "Where do you think you get it from?" he asked when Dickie gave him a surprised look. He snapped into a piece and winked at his son.

A knock on the door interrupted their happy morning meal, and Elliot reached for his gun, resting his hand on the cold metal. "Liv," he said, staring at the door.

"I know," she groaned. "Bedroom." She got up, looked nervously at the kids, and walked quickly into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

Elliot walked over to the door, opened it slowly, and narrowed his eyes. "Fin," he said, confused. "What are you doing here? It's…"

"It's Olivia," Fin said, his expression blank. He sniffled and said, "I don't…I don't know how to…" his bottom lip quivered as he tried to speak.

"What?" Elliot said, nervous, playing up the fear that was very real. "Fin, man, what about her?"

Fin's eyes closed for a moment, and tears rolled down his tanned cheeks. "We got a call from Porter this mornin' and…he was chasin' a lead, out in Brooklyn…man, they found her body." He crumpled over, falling into Elliot. He was taking harsh, gasping breaths and sobbing. "Cragen sent Warner out to make sure…to check…and…"

"Oh, God," Elliot said, knowing he had to break down, refusing to do it in front of his kids, confused at Fin's reaction. "Fin…I…I need to see her…" he said, forcing himself to sniffle, forcing himself to cry. "I'll know. I can't believe…"

"They found this," Fin said, sniffling and straightening up. He held out a necklace, one the whole squad had seen Elliot give to her for Christmas a few years ago. The shock on Elliot's face was very genuine now, as he was certain Olivia was still wearing it. A tear rolled down his cheek, and he turned, looking at his stunned, confused children. "I'll be back," he told them, nodding. "I will be back, just…please don't…you have to lock the door, and don't let…"

"We know, Daddy," Kathleen said, not quite sure what was going on.

The four kids watched Elliot grab his jacket and slip on his sneakers, then leave with Fin. Dickie moved first, locking the door immediately, and Maureen ran toward the bedroom door.

"Liv," Lizzie called, "It's okay!"

Olivia opened the door slowly, but was stunned when Maureen threw her arms around her. "Honey, what…"

"Fin was here," Kathleen said, still shaken up. "He said they found…"

"I know what he said, honey," Olivia interrupted. "A friend did your father and me a favor, that's all. We needed to give the guy who…well, we think this will bring us a step closer to finding out who…"

Dickie interrupted her. "Tried to blow you up?"

Lizzie smacked him in the head. "Tact. Look it up in a dictionary or something," she snipped at him.

Olivia chuckled and shook her head. "Come on, let's finish eating. Your dad knows what he's doing, and he'll be okay. I promise."

"He wouldn't be," Maureen said, finally letting go of Olivia. "None of us would be," she said.

Olivia furrowed her brow and asked, "What do you mean? None of you would be okay, when?"

"If you were really…" Maureen had to stop, unable to say it. "If this was all real, if what Fin said was real. None of us would be okay. Lord knows we'd be burying Dad right beside you."

They finished their breakfast in awkward silence, having a favor done for them ended up taking the joy out of their morning.

* * *

Elliot walked back into the house five hours later. He had yelled, screamed, cried, threatened people, tried to exhibit all the classing symptoms of repressed guilt, rage, denial, and grief. When he saw Olivia in the kitchen, he dropped everything in his hands and ran to her, pulling her into his arms. He peppered her with kisses, ignoring her protesting noises and struggles.

"Honey," she said, trying to move, "I'm in the middle of…"

"Please," he whispered, "Five minutes. Just…look at me, let me look at you." She stilled and tilted her head, looking into his eyes. He let out a hard breath and wrapped her in his arms again. "You're okay," he whispered. "God, you're okay." He kissed her neck twice, moving his lips over her skin, up to her lips. "Where are the kids?" he asked against her mouth.

"Rooms," she mumbled. "Homework," she said after another kiss.

He pulled away from her and shook his head. "It was awful," he said. "I…after hearing them…the way Cragen was talking…I started to really think you were dead, that girl, baby, she looked just like you…only…ya know, badly beaten, and…burnt…and he smirked. The mother fucker smirked when…"

"Who?" she interrupted.

He turned and moved away from her abruptly, and shouted, "Cragen! I was crying, hysterically mind you, and he was smirking! He had this look of…fuck, and his only question…not why would someone want to hurt you, why did this have to happen, no. His only question was, 'How the fuck did her body get all the way out in Brooklyn?' and he asked it like it was any other case."

She folded her arms, narrowed her eyes, and said, "I guess now we know."

"I can't believe this shit," he said, shaking his head. "I have a question for you, too, by the way." He pulled her necklace out of his pocket and turned to face her. "How did this get on the…"

He stopped, seeing that her necklace was still around her neck, and she had a wicked smirk on her face. "Melinda had the same one," she said. "That one's hers. She knew you would need proof, something personal, since the DNA and other tests would be rigged and not done in the presence of anyone in the unit." She twisted her own diamond pendant around her neck and said, "Maybe I'll go with you to the morgue when you give it back to her. Breeze by the squad room if we get the chance."

Elliot grinned. "You're a mind reader, aren't you?" he asked, walking back over to her.

She looped her arms around his neck and kissed him. "What better way to get a killer to confess than to make him think he's seeing a ghost?"

And with a kiss, their plan was set into action, she would be seen, not heard, and only by Cragen. It would be tricky, and it would be dangerous, but it would work. It had to.

**A/N: Part five? Cragen sees a ghost.**


	5. Part 5

**A/N: A sighting. A seduction. A stakeout.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and related characters/ideas belong to Dick Wolf. Original plot and dialogue belong to TStabler©**

Cragen was pale. Shaky. He jumped whenever someone called his name, and he kept staring out the window. He had seen a woman walk by an hour ago. She had reddish-blonde hair, short, and wore dark glasses, but he swore it was her. He felt it.

"Cap," Elliot called.

"What?" Cragen snapped, turning suddenly.

Elliot jumped at his reaction. "I've been knocking for five minutes. The Chief is here to see you," he said. "He's in the lounge. Are you all right?"

Cragen swallowed, then moved closer to Elliot. "I'm seeing things."

"What?" Elliot said, his brow furrowed.

"This morning," Cragen began. "You came in and I could have sworn…was anyone with you?"

"Who would be with me?" Elliot asked, his voice low and dark. "The only person that should be with me…" he stopped, swallowed, and shook his head. "I was alone, why?"

Cragen shook his head. "I thought I saw…" He looked at Elliot, deciding that mentioning Olivia was a bad idea. "Never mind." He walked out of his office, slamming the door behind him.

Elliot watched him go, and then chuckled as he walked over to the window. He looked down at the sidewalk below, and looking up at him was the love of his life. He smiled and waved at her and when she folded her arms and gave him a smirk back, looking more like herself than she had in months, he knew this was the best idea he'd ever had.

* * *

She looked away from him and looked around, taking yet another deep breath. Fresh air felt so good. Being outside felt amazing, she felt free as she walked up and down the streets, her gun in her back pocket just in case. She went to the bakery she loved, she strode to the bookstore she missed terribly, and every hour on the hour, she walked by the precinct, making sure to pass directly under Cragen's window.

She was there now, leaning against a squad car. She didn't mind that if they were wrong about Cragen, her life was being risked with each passing moment. She was finally out of her cage. She looked at the opening door, smiling at the man coming toward her.

"Waiting long?" he asked, grinning.

"Nope," she said, amused. "I had the time of my life out here."

He laughed. "You've got him shitting bricks, ya know that? He saw you come in with me, and when you gave him that stare, God, I thought he was gonna throw up."

She chuckled. "Lunch, you promised," she said, making sure he wouldn't forget.

"I know, baby." He took her hand and they walked fast, before Cragen could see him with her, and they sped toward a hole-in-the-wall deli they loved. "I'm sorry you can't stay…"

"I get it," she shrugged, sliding into the booth.

He slid in next to her and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close. He kissed her forehead and said, "Tonight should be fun."

She cleared her throat. "About that…El, I don't think we should do this. I mean, I know he…"

"No one even suspects him," Elliot said. "We don't have a choice. If we don't do this he's gonna get away with it, and you're never gonna get your life back." He looked into her eyes, pleading. "We will never get our life together back."

She sighed and nodded. "You're right." She looked up at him and asked, "You set it all up?"

He nodded. "Hacked into his computer and turned on the webcam, full audio, and the transmitter is in the car. He smirked, enjoying the game, loving the stealth and James Bond-type of thing they were running into. "You look beautiful," he said, kissing her.

"Sunlight tends to make people pretty," she joked. She kissed him, and the waitress had to wait for them to separate themselves to take their orders. She rolled her eyes as she walked away to get their drinks when they went right back to kissing.

He moaned softly against her lips, his hand running along her thigh under the table. He smirked, wondering how far he could take his furtiveness. His knuckle brushed her clothed slit, and she bucked a bit. He chuckled, moving his hand again, still kissing her as he toyed with the button on her jeans.

She shook her head as their tongues danced, and she felt him nod in return as he kissed her harder, making his intentions known. She had no say in this, it seemed, as the zipper was pulled down and his fingers dug their way into the denim and under her silk bikini briefs. She cupped his face, in shock, as his fingers pushed into her.

He was loving this, knowing no one knew what was happening under the table, to anyone watching it was just a powerful kiss with roaming hands. He enjoyed the deception and the thrill of getting caught, and he took pride in the power he had over her, knowing he was the only person she trusted enough to cave in and submit to, the only person who was an equal and could control her and be controlled by her without any worry at all.

She squirmed as he worked his fingers, twisting them around and still kissing her. "El," she whispered. "God, El, food," she spat against his lips as he swiped his thumb over her clit.

"It can wait," he said, kissing her again, rubbing faster, moving his fingers deeper. When she melted in his arms, and he felt her hold her breath and tense up, and she bit his lip, he knew. He chuckled, slowing his hand and pulling away from her. "My God," he breathed, readjusting her jeans for her. "I love that."

She glared at him, catching her breath as she reached for a French fry. "I know you do," she said, trying to hide her smirk. She bit into the fry, watched him chuckle and bite into his burger, and let him think he had the upper hand. For now.

* * *

"Can you hear anything?" Elliot asked, looking at Olivia.

She fiddled with a knob on the handheld TV-slash-radio in her lap. "No," she said. "Maybe he's asleep."

"I got home at nine," he said, shaking his head. "We put the kids to bed at eleven, he wasn't even home yet. No way is he asleep. Keep trying."

She let out a small sigh and fiddled with the knob again, picking something up. "Hold on," she said. "Listen."

They heard the captain's voice. It was muffled, but some words were distinguishable. "Olivia." "Hallucinating." "Problem." "Elliot." "Dead." "Help."

"Who is he talking to?" Elliot asked, leaning closer to Olivia. He watched as she turned the knob and got the focus to clear up on the video feed on the monitor. "He's on the phone," he said.

She nodded, raising the volume.

"I know she…she's dead," Cragen said as they watched him pace back and forth. "But I've been seeing her all day. I tried, but he said he was seeing her, too. In his pancakes, in his coffee, in the mirror, he's lost and I think I made the biggest mistake of…" he stopped then, and they watched as he walked toward the window. "No, nothing," he said. "Just …I feel like I'm being watched."

"Who the hell is he talking to?" Elliot asked again. "Just say a name, you son of a bitch."

"Calm down, El," she said, looking at him.

He leaned over the console and kissed her forehead, then listened closer at the conversation they didn't legally have any right to listen to.

"I know it was the only way to stop them," Cragen snapped. "They were getting too damned close, and they would have…God, but I thought it was just to scare her, Brian! She was actually in there!" He was yelling now. "How the hell she wound up in fucking Brooklyn is beyond me, but I…" he stopped, looking back out the window. "I feel so fucking guilty."

"Brian," Olivia said, looking at Elliot.

He narrowed his eyes. "Cassidy?" he questioned. "Why the hell would Cragen help Cassidy…"

"El," she interrupted. "You remember him saying that his father was a cop? A cop that Cragen owed something to."

He looked at her. "That's why he worked in the unit," he said. "I thought that settled the score."

"He left, El," Olivia said with a shrug. "He couldn't handle it, and there was only one thing he wanted that he didn't get to take with him."

"No," he shook his head. "No way. I refuse to believe Cragen willingly tried to kill you because…"

"There's only one reason he would have killed me for being with you, El," she said. "Someone had something over his head, someone threatened him."

"Shit," he hissed, hitting the steering wheel. "This is far from over, baby."

**A/N: Olivia gets closer to Cragen, scaring him into a confession (sort of) And Porter drops by, after getting word of her and Elliot's excursion. And someone pays Cassidy a visit. But who? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	6. Part 6

**A/N: A visit. A surprise attack. A new plan.**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns the characters. That's pretty much it. Everything else written before you is pure TStabler©**

Elliot walked into work the next morning, both bitterly pissed off and eerily cheerful. A blend that confounded the men he worked with as soon as he walked in. He tossed his keys onto his desk and looked up. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Jack," the man sitting in what used to be Olivia's desk replied. "Jack McCann."

"What are you doing in Liv's desk?" Elliot asked, folding his arms.

Fin rose, immediately going to Elliot's side. "You knew he was gettin' you a new partner, man. You knew that her desk..."

"We didn't even have her damn funeral yet!" Elliot yelled. "We're not even sure that was her, Fin! What if she's alive? What if she comes back?"

Munch, his heart breaking at the sight of Elliot's minor meltdown, said, "If that happens, we';; all be more than happy to see Jack leave, but the odds of that..."

"It could happen!" Elliot yelled.

Cragen, hearing his yells and cries, ran out into the squad room. "It can't," he said, putting a hand on Elliot's shoulder,

Elliot jerked away from him. The last person who should be trying to comfort him was Cragen. "Don't touch me," he hissed, glaring at the man. "It can! I'm not...I refuse to believe that she's..."

"I'm sorry," Cragen said to him softly. "I really am, so sorry, but she's gone and there's nothing any of us can do, so just...show McCann how things work around here and move on, Elliot."

Cragen sighed, squeezing the bridge of his nose. He took a deep breath and wiped the tiredness out of his eyes. "I'm sorry, Elliot," he said again, before turning back and heading into his office. He closed the door behind him and turned toward his desk, and he jumped a few feet into the air.

"Surprised to see me?" the woman in a white suit sitting in his chair asked.

Cragen blinked. It was her. Long brown hair and everything. Her. "What...how...are you..."

"Ya know," she said, rising slowly, eerily, "I trusted you." She moved toward him, just as slow as she'd risen, and she held out a very pale hand. "You were like a father to me."

Cragen, trying to breathe, held his hand out and touched hers. "You're...you're so cold."

"Yes," she said with one nod. "Cold. Lonely. Did they tell you it was quick and painless? Or did they tell you the truth? It felt like I was being ripped apart, Don. My life was slowly ripped away from me, and..."

"What?" Cragen gasped. "You...you're..."

"Dead," she said with a small shrug. "Yeah. You did it, so you would know. You look so scared," she said, smirking slightly. "You've been seeing me all week, so why do you look so scared now?"

Cragen shook his head as his wide eyes dripped slow tears. "I never meant to...you weren't supposed to be home. Olivia, I..."

"Why?" she interrupted. "Why would you do this to me?"

Cragen shook, trembled, as he sniffled. He sat on the couch against his wall, letting go of her cold, clammy hand. "I had no choice," he said. "Brian was gonna kill Elliot, his kids, and you if I didn't! You weren't supposed to be home!"

"Why?" she repeated, her voice a whisper. She knelt before him, letting him look into her brown-grey eyes. "Why, Don?"

Cragen sniffled again. "He wanted you to think you were in trouble. He wanted you to think that it was because of Elliot, he wanted you to leave him."

"And instead of arresting him and protecting us, you helped him?" she questioned, shaking her head. "Why?"

Cragen sniffled again. "I can't tell you that. I'm so sorry, Olivia, but I can't..."

"Goodbye," she interrupted, standing suddenly. She didn't have a lot of time. Elliot could only distract the people outside for so long. "Tell Elliot...tell him I love him. Tell him that I really was going to marry him, and the children we would have had are beautiful."

Cragen furrowed his brow. "What? What are you..."

"You don't know?" she asked, confused. "The night you blew my apartment to smithereens, he asked me to marry him. I died, my future...and his...dies with me. Just remember that. Don, you're responsible for that."

Cragen's bottom lip quivered and his head fell into his hands. He sobbed for a few long moments, and when he looked up, she was gone.

Elliot noticed her leaving, thankful no one else had, and he got up out of his chair. "Excuse me," he hissed at his new partner.

Fin and Munch sighed as he left, and they shook their heads in unison. "He's a wreck," Fin said.

"Without her, we all are," Munch said. "I could have sworn I just saw her leave here."

Fin narrowed his eyes, then slowly turned his head toward the doors. Something was up.

* * *

Olivia, her long wing safely ensconced in her pocket, put her sunglasses back on as she walked down the hall. She didn't feel guilty or upset at all, which surprised her. It wasn't until someone grabbed her and pulled her into an opened door that she thought she was in any kind of trouble.

"Shh," he said to her, spinning her around as he shut the door. "It's me."

She relaxed and sighed. "Damn, El," she hissed. "Really a bad idea to sneak up on me."

He chuckled. "How'd it go?" he asked, his hand slipping down the front of her body.

She bit her bottom lip. "He broke down like an old car," she said softly. "Got it all on tape."

He hummed and pulled on her white pants. "You really do look angelic in this suit," he said.

"What are you doing?" she asked, backing up. When she hit the wall, she knew she had no hope in the situation. "El, you can't be here right..."

"I was your distraction, remember?" he asked, smirking. "I threw a bit of a tantrum, so the guys think I'm on the roof, crying." He bent his head to kiss her neck as he pushed her underwear to the floor. "We have time."

She moaned when his fingers slid up her thigh, grazing her slit. "You shouldn't be doing this, baby."

"You really think I give a fuck about policy anymore?" he asked. "Once we give Porter that tape, I'll fucking own the entire precinct, and it won't matter if I fucked you on my desk in the middle of the day."

She moaned again as his fingers slipped inside of her. She gripped his shoulders and heard the sound of his zipper being pulled down. She glanced, and he was using his other hand to shove down his own clothes. "God, El, why are you..."

"I don't need a reason," he cut her off. "No other reason but I love you, and I need to be with you right now," he told her. He brought his head back up to kiss her lips as he pulled his fingers out of her. He deepened the kiss as he grabbed her leg, hiking it up around her waist, and he pushed into her roughly, catching her cry.

"God, baby," she groaned against his lips. Her hands shot to either side of his face, cupping it, holding him close to her.

"Anytime, anywhere," he said. "That was the deal when we started this thing, it stayed that way when it became more than just a 'thing', and just because we have to...Jesus Christ, you feel fucking amazing...hide you and it from the rest of the world, doesn't change anything."

She bit his lip, holding his head tighter. "Are you all right?" she asked, looking into his eyes.

He slowed his brutal pace for just a moment as he nodded slowly. "I know you're safe, I know you're still mine. That's all I need to know to be okay."

She hopped, wrapping her other leg around him and pulling him deeper into her. "I will always be yours," she whispered, licking and nibbling at his right ear.

"God, baby," he grunted. "I know." He picked up speed again, going hard, fast, nipping at her neck. "You said 'yes."

* * *

Olivia made it home safely, attempted to make dinner, ended up making Maureen order Chinese, and was now resting comfortably as the kids packed their things. They'd be leaving in the morning for school, and they wouldn't come back until the following Friday. She was going to miss them so much.

"Are you all right, Liv?" Dickie asked, walking into the living room and sitting next to her on the couch.

"I'm fine, sweetie, why?" she asked, putting her book down and looking at the teenage boy.

He shrugged. "You're...your life was, and still could be, in danger. You don't think..."

"Your father won't let anything happen to me, honey," she assured him, kissing his forehead.

Dickie sighed, falling into her hug. "I wish we could go out, ya know? Do the things we used to do, be a...uh, well, a family."

"We can be a family without having to..."

Dickie interrupted her. "It sucks having to go home without being able to tell my mother all the stuff we do, and it sucks to have her coming to everything that you should be there for, ya know?" He looked at her. "The stuff that was just me and you. She came to my football game on Tuesday, and she tried to cheer for me the way you always did. It...she looked...you do it, it's cool. She does it, it's so embarrassing."

Olivia laughed. "Oh, honey," she said on a sigh. "Soon. This will all be over soon. I promise."

"Are you gonna marry him?" he asked. "I know he asked you. He asked us if we'd mind, and Kathleen helped him pick out the ring, but...are you still..."

"Yes," she whispered, cutting him off. "Dickie, as soon as I can. As soon as we get things back to normal, and I can, I will marry your father."

"Good," Elliot said from the door as he swung it open. "You'd better."

She smiled at him and winked, then noticed he wasn't alone. "Dean," she said, furrowing her brow at the man who had walked in with Elliot and getting off of the couch.

Porter folded his arms. "Pardon the unannounced visit, Olivia, but I've been following the two of you all day. I'm a bit upset at the moment, and I need to know why."

"You think I can help you figure that out?" she asked, folding her own arms.

Porter looked at Elliot. "You know why I'm upset! You two went behind my back, haven't you? Stabler, you took her outside, where anyone could have seen..."

"For a reason, Porter!" Elliot snapped.

"What reason could you have possibly had to put her in danger like that?" Porter asked, yelling in return. "If the man who wanted her dead would have seen..."

"He saw me," Olivia said. "I talked to him, actually. Well, one of them." She walked over to the end table and picked up the small tape recorder that she'd had in her pocket. "Elliot was gonna bring this to you tomorrow."

Porter took it. "Look, if you had any suspects, you should have just..."

"It's Cragen," Elliot interrupted.

Porter looked at him for a beat. He turned his head toward Olivia. "That's why you didn't tell me? That's why you started handling this yourself? You knew you could get to him without letting him know he was a suspect."

Elliot bit his lip. "We knew no one in your office would believe us. You didn't the first time I told you," he said. "The unit closed the case, Porter. Cragen just made it all go away," he said. "No one else is working this, I'm gonna let anyone, no matter who it is, get away with trying to kill her! I had to do..."

"I know," Porter said, holding up a hand. He sighed and ran a hand down his face. "Do what you gotta do, pretend I don't know anything, and I will handle this," he said, holding up the recorder. "Just...be careful."

Elliot nodded, moving toward Olivia.

Dean watched them kiss, knowing that if he was in Elliot's place he would have done the same thing. "Soon," he said. "I'll see you both soon."

Olivia watched him leave, then turned to Elliot. "You didn't mention Cassidy."

"No," Elliot said, shaking his head. "Porter's not gonna listen to that tape for a couple of days, I bought a little time. I'm taking care of that bastard myself."

"Excuse me?" she questioned, raising a brow.

He kissed her again. "Okay," he said with smirk. "We are."

**A/N: Where do they find Cassidy? What happens? And who was Cassidy working for? The hunt begins, next! Twitter: TMG212**


	7. Part 7

**A/N: A moment. A realization.**** A problem.**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns the characters. That's pretty much it. Everything else written before you is pure TStabler©**

The morning was rushed, as Olivia and Elliot made sure the kids had their things packed and said their goodbyes.

Olivia hid out in the bedroom, listening to the conversation Elliot was having with Kathy when she came to pick up the kids. She controlled her emotions, only tearing up for a brief moment when she heard Kathy say, "There's still a chance, El. I know you. You won't stop looking until you find out, until you're sure. This is one time I hope to God you're right."

Olivia stared at the door for a moment in disbelief, since she always assumed Kathy hated her. Hearing her tell Elliot to keep hoping and keep looking made her feel horrible for lying to her about everything, for so long.

She heard the kids say goodbye to their father, and she heard the door open and then close. And then she heard footsteps. She watched the knob turn, she watched him walk into the room, and she watched him walk toward her.

"Well, that was unexpected," he said, climbing, knees-first, onto the bed. "She came to pick them up for school, she..."

"I heard," she interrupted. She looked into his eyes. "I heard everything."

He smirked. "Figures, she'd pick now to be supportive and caring."

She tilted her head and leaned back, following Elliot's guidance. "You don't think she's trying to..."

"No," he said, cutting her off as his hands skimmed down her arms. "She's happy, and she just wants me to be happy. She knows that's impossible without you."

She chuckled, then, noticing the gleam in his eyes. "You are gonna be late for work," she said, shaking her head and biting her lip, feeling his fingers rake lightly over her nipples.

"Called already," he whispered, dropping over her. "Not going in. Took a personal day."

Olivia rolled her eyes, in both pleasure and annoyance. "You're gonna get in trouble."

He scoffed. "Cragen told me to take all the time I needed," he said. "You got to him yesterday, in that wig, baby. He really is feeling guilty, and I think he's cracking."

"Good," she moaned, and Elliot's mouth dropped to her neck, nibbling and sucking. Her hands wound up in his hair as she made soft, appreciative, noises.

He licked a small trail from her neck to her ear, then suckled on the lobe for a moment. "All day," he whispered. "I could do this all day." He pulled back and looked into her eyes. "Kiss you, touch you, love you."

She blinked, then she smirked. "Good thing we have all day, then," she teased, moving forward and capturing his lips with hers.

He wrapped her in his arms and made sure she could feel everything he was feeling, like he always did, moaning against her lips. The clothes fell away quickly, their bodies met and worked in unison, slow and hard.

The silence was unusual, though. For the first time in a long time, no words were spoken. None were needed. He moved, thrusting in and pulling out, deeply and torturously slowly. She moved in response, uncontrollable and involuntary reactions. Her back arched and twisted, her head thrashed, her arms and hands clutched onto whatever they could find.

Gentle kisses, spaced between longer, passionate ones, kept their mouths occupied and muffled the moans, grunts, and cries which were getting louder and higher. His hands gripped her hips more firmly and squeezed their way around her waist as he moved harder and deeper.

Her body, wracked with tension and a slow, aching, burn, wrapped around his and followed his commands, and he ripped his lips away from hers long enough to say one thing, only one thing. "I love you."

"I love you," she moaned loudly in response, and then he hit into her, hitting some sort of button. She tightened around him, gripped him wherever she could, let a loud yell of name fly. She came around him, under him, trying to find his eyes.

He looked into hers as he thrust only once more, then spilled into her, moving slowly to let them both ride it out. His head fell to her chest when he was spent, he dropped kisses wherever he could, and used the last of his energy to roll them over.

"What..." the only word she could manage through her rapid breathing.

He shook his head and blinked. "No idea," he answered, still holding her tightly.

"You...had another nightmare," she assumed, knowing the kind of love she was just given, remembering the last few times it was like that, knowing it was a direct result of the explosion and the nightmares that followed.

He took another deep breath and nodded. "Sorry," he said, kissing her temple.

She lifted her head with the little strength she had and said, "Never be sorry. You can't help it. You have to live every day as if I died in that building, El. It's a lot to deal with."

He nodded again, then said, "It stops tonight. I'm gonna get the son of a bitch tonight." He kissed her, sealing that promise with a kiss, then he rolled them back over, making good on another promise, one he'd made a long time ago, to love her fully, completely, and forever.

* * *

"Stay in the car," Elliot said, nodding at Olivia.

She yawned, but shook her head. "You didn't drag me out of bed at midnight just to leave me in the car," she said. "I'm coming with you."

"This is the guy who tried to kill you," he returned with a furrowed brow. "I'm not letting you..."

"He's never even gonna see me, El," she interrupted, smirking. "Trust me."

Elliot nodded, but just as he opened his car door, he noticed someone else walking up the stairs to Cassidy's place. He grabbed Olivia's arm, keeping her from moving. "Hold on," he hissed.

She squinted, looking through the windshield, and in the pale streetlight, she saw Cragen, taking a breath and knocking on Cassidy's door. She spoke. "What's he..."

"Shh," Elliot hushed as he saw Cassidy open the door. They looked like they were talking about something important, he noticed, opening his window a bit, hoping to hear the conversation. From the looks of things, it was growing loud and angry.

"Are you insane?" Cassidy yelled.

Cragen nodded. "I had three different labs run it," he said. "I wanted to prove to Elliot...and to myself... that she was..." he shook his head. "I'm seeing her, Brian! I talked to a ghost, and now I think I might know how to make it all go away!"

"So you're telling me that it's not her? Your lab techs lied to you, and that bitch on the slab isn't Benson," Cassidy spat, folding his arms. "You want her to be alive to relieve your own guilt, that it? Well, guess what, pal! She's dead!"

"Where is she?" Cragen asked, shaking his head. "You know where she is, tell me where she is!" he yelled, his voice growing louder.

"I have no fucking clue, Don!" Cassidy boomed back. "What makes you think I..."

"You were the one who planted the bomb, I just set it off. I know, you knew she was there, you were watching! You were close enough to get to her and get her out of there," Cragen interrupted. "You wanted her, this was one way to get her. You paid off Melinda to lie for you, didn't you?"

Cassidy scoffed. "You're cracked," he said. "That building went up too damn fast for anyone to get out, and her apartment was demolished. She is dead, Don. Deal with it."

Cragen shook his head. "They never found...she had a ring..."

Cassidy interrupted him again. "You're starting to regret it, well it's too late, Don. You don't owe me or my father anything anymore, and I think Benson's life was a small price to pay to make sure your little secret is never..."

"Fine," Cragen sighed. "I just thought you should know..." he paused and pulled a gun out of his jacket pocket. "I would trade her life for mine, any day. That goes double for yours."

"What are you doing?" Cassidy asked, backing into his place.

"What I should have done when you came to me about this the first time," Cragen said. "Protecting them." He took a step and slammed the door behind him.

Elliot cursed as he threw open the door and began running. He only made it to the bottom step before three loud shots rang out. He froze, looking from the door to Olivia, who was now standing by the car horrified.

"El!" Olivia yelled. "Come on! We can't be here when he..."

Before she could finish, he yelled, "Get back in the car!" and raised his gun, heading into the apartment.

**A/N: Who was shot? If anyone? And what Elliot finds in the apartment is a surprise, but what he finds when he gets back out is an ever bigger one! Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	8. Part 8

**A/N: A surprise. A dilemma. A murder.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©**

Elliot looked around the room, gun raised. He had expected to see Cassidy or Cragen lying in a pool of blood, but no one was there. There were bullet holes in the wall, a few drops of blood on the floor leading to the kitchen, to the back door. He was following the trail when a noise behind him startled him.

He turned and raised his gun again, then exhaled and blinked quickly. "I told you to stay in the car."

"Yeah, right, leave my partner in a house with two armed assholes, that's a good idea," she said with an eye-roll.

He chuckled. "Place is clear anyway, Liv." He shook his head and pointed behind him. "They went out the back."

She holstered her gun, her gaze fixed on something behind him. "El," she said, looking at the wall where the bullets had landed. "Oh, my God, Elliot."

He turned, following her, and he gasped. "Son of a bitch," he hissed, gazing at the shattered pictures on the wall. They had been taken from her apartment. Cassidy had pasted his own picture over Elliot's face in each one. Cragen had shot the pictures, either symbolically or because he was missing Cassidy, but the glass was shattered in each frame either way.

"He's...he's completely lost it," she whispered, her finger running along the frame of one photo. She blinked, remembering when it was taken, when they were happier and able to really live. "Damn it, El," she spat, turning to look at him.

He reached for her, an attempt at comfort, when gunfire from outside interrupted them. Guns raised and in perfect sync, they ran out, following the noise.

"Mother fucker," Elliot cursed as his eyes landed on the mess. "Shit, Cragen!"

Olivia shook her head. "He was protecting us," she offered, "Or so he thinks."

Elliot shook his head and bit his lip, gesturing at the limp and bleeding body of Brian Cassidy as it lay sprawled over the hood of his car. "How could he...shit, and now he knows you're alive. This isn't..."

"Sirens," she said, cutting him off and tensing up.

"I got this," he said, kissing her cheek. "Go. Run. You can't be here when they..."

"I know," she said, stopping him again. With one last kiss, she ran down the street. He watched her for as long as he could, saw her get into a taxi, and he sighed in relief. He turned just in time to see squad cars pull up. How the hell was he gonna explain this?

* * *

The shower felt wonderful; the hot water seeped into her pores and erased the chill and cold memory of the day. She felt so dirty, so impure when she saw the manipulated photos, when she realized how badly Brian Cassidy wanted to replace Elliot in her life.

She led the soap, it's clean and ambiguously engendered scent filling her lungs, wash away the grime of seeing his body on the hood of her lover's car, as if it was a present. She fell back against the tiles as she thought of Elliot. She wondered what, exactly, his explanation was and if he would be held accountable for anything.

The door opened and she stiffened. Only Elliot had the key, but it was too soon for him to be back and there was an enraged police captain after her now. She kept still, holding her breath as she saw fingers wrap around the curtain. She flinched with fear when the curtain opened, but she relaxed immediately when she focused on who it was.

Naked, he slipped under the spray of the water with her. He pulled her toward him and said, "I told Porter everything. He's clearing things up with the cops at the scene. They think I was responding to a DV call down the street, my car was just a convenient dump site."

She looked up at him and blinked. "You're..."

"I'm...what?" he asked, kissing her softly again.

"Bleeding," she whispered, raising her hand to swipe the blood off of his cheek.

He chuckled. "Oh, uh, Porter got a little handsy. He thought he owed me a good knock or two for taking you there. I punched him back, he yelled at me, I yelled back. Pissing contest. I'll live."

She shook her head and fell into him. Her arms draping over him. "What about Cragen? He killed..."

"We'll find him," he interrupted. "It's up to us, since it's directly related to your case."

She nodded into his chest. She took a breath and felt his hands wrap up in her hair. She let the breath out as she pulled away from him and kissed him softly. "Take your shower," she said, moving to the side and grabbing the curtain.

"Liv," he said, stopping her for a moment. "Are you...are you okay?"

She shook her head as she walked out of the bathroom.

She was almost completely dried and dressed in her pajamas when he walked into the bedroom, a towel slung loosely around his hips. "What's wrong?" he asked, ignoring the need to get some clothes on and walking toward her.

"Like you don't know," she scoffed, shaking her head. Her lip caught between her teeth, she peered up at him. Glistening with droplets of not-yet-evaporated shower water, in nothing but a thin strip of terrycloth, he was hard to resist, but even she had moments where she wasn't in the mood.

He sat beside her on the edge of the bed and kissed her temple. "It's gonna be all right," he whispered. "He was going down for trying to kill you anyway, baby. He really only made our job easier. It'll be easy to take him in for something we know he did."

She dropped her head into his chest. "It's not that," she said. "I don't know if he killed Brian to protect me or because he wants to kill me himself, we couldn't really hear him, and he...he wants..."

"Nothing is going to happen to you," Elliot promised. "Not as long as I'm around."

She let him make the promise, knowing he would do everything he could to keep it, and she swallowed back the fear, pushing it down and letting her usual demeanor crawl back to the surface. She kissed him, her lips slowly moving over his.

His hands traveled up her back and held her close, their kiss deepened, but that was all it remained. A searing, soul-grabbing kiss. He pulled back first, kissed the end of her nose, and got up to grab some sweatpants.

His phone, on the bedside table, chirped loudly. He sighed, moving his hand from his dresser drawer to the closet door. It seemed, tonight, he wouldn't need pajamas.

* * *

Elliot had only just stepped through the squad room doors when Fin leaped in front of him. "You found her? Where is she? Cassidy had her?"

"What?" Elliot asked. "What the hell are you..."

"Last night," Munch said, his face ashen white. "Cragen stormed out of his office, mumbled something about you finding Olivia, and Cassidy had her. He left and that was it. He was supposed to be here at six."

"Excuse me," Jack McCann said, standing, "But I have no idea what's going on. I've been here for three days, and no one's even giving me a chance to do my job, and last night my boss tells me to pack up my things because she's coming back. I don't know who she is, but she obviously left for a reason."

Elliot ran a hand down his face. "Shit," he spat. "Look, uh, Cragen went a little crazy, okay? He had a nervous breakdown, thought he saw Liv, had an actual conversation with her."

Fin's smile faded. "So she's not...you don't..."

"Cassidy's dead," Elliot said, hoping to get Fin off of the topic of Olivia. "He...well, I think...Cragen may have..."

"Oh, my God," Munch said, getting out of his seat.

Elliot shrugged. "Well, yeah, I mean, I'm not sure..."

"Holy shit," Fin said, standing now, too, with wide eyes.

Elliot shook his head again. "Look, guys, I..."

"Olivia," Munch whispered, walking passed Elliot over to the doors.

Elliot turned, confused, but his eyes widened as they landed on Olivia, being engulfed by Fin in a strong hold. "Liv?" he called out, shaking his head.

Dean Porter, behind her, looked right at Elliot, his face contorted in a frown and his arms folded. There was a reason she was here, a reason Porter was here.

Elliot walked over and immediately pulled Olivia toward him, giving the impression that he, too, had no idea she was alive. He planted a passionate kiss on her, her arms flew around him, and it wasn't hard to draw out tears. He cupped her face and nuzzled her nose a bit, then kissed her again. "What are you doing here?" he whispered.

She sniffled, gripping his shirt and she looked up at him. "Dean wants me with you, you can't let me out of your sight now."

He shot his eyes up to Porter, a question in his eyes.

"He found her," Porter said, bitterness in his voice. "I'm going to strongly suggest you both go home, now, stay there."

Elliot squinted. "What do you mean, he found her? Cragen..."

"Not Cragen," Porter interrupted. "Cassidy's father. Cragen killed his son, he wants revenge."

Elliot pulled Olivia closer. "So he thinks killing one of his detectives is fair?"

Porter scoffed, the smallest of smirks alighting. "No, Elliot, but he thinks killing his daughter is."

Elliot's eyes widened, he looked down at Olivia who's face was blurry with emotions. Fury, hatred, sadness, guilt, and loved played at her features. "Daughter?" he asked her in a whisper.

She nodded. "That was the secret Cassidy and his father were keeping for him," she said with a shrug. "Cassidy's dad was Cragen's old partner, so he knew...as soon his happened...that..."

"Holy shit," he said softly, running his fingers through her hair. "Cragen's the man who..."

"Yeah," Olivia said softly. "He is."

Something had to be wrong. He knew Cragen. He wasn't the type to do anything like that. But then again, up until a few weeks ago, Elliot didn't think he could hurt Olivia or kill a man in cold blood either, and he had done both. There had to be a way to get to him and get the truth. There just had to be.

**A/N: Elliot takes it upon himself, with the help of Olivia, to find Cragen. Does he succeed? How 'rogue' do they go? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	9. Part 9

**A/N: An explanation. A realization. A shock.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and related characters/ideas belong to Dick Wolf. Original plot and dialogue belong to TStabler©**

It had taken an hour to get everyone to stop crying and calm down, and Olivia did her best to explain why she was gone, why she had to stay away.

Fin couldn't understand, and blamed both Elliot and Olivia for not trusting him, for breaking his heart, twice. He only stayed angry for a moment, though, too relieved to have her back to hate her.

The questions were getting annoying. The questions that she couldn't answer, couldn't even lie about, were starting to break her down. She looked up at Fin, saw the pain, joy, love and concern in his eyes, and held up a hand. "Please," she said, "Just don't ask any more questions. I don't wanna talk about it." She shot out of her seat and started walking up the stairs.

She didn't have to turn around to know whose footsteps were behind her, and she rolled her eyes. "You don't have to…"

"I'm not letting you out of my sight, remember," his voice interrupted.

She rolled her eyes, unsure of whether or not this was a good idea. She opened the door to the bunk room, leaving it open for him as she walked in. She plopped on the nearest bed, and looked at him.

He shut the door and sat beside her, wrapped her in his arms, and let out a hard, deep breath. "Shit," he said softly.

Holding him back, she nodded.

"How did he find you? What did he do?" he asked, asking her some of the same questions the others had been firing at her, knowing she would answer them for him.

She took a shaky breath and said, "Dean was watching the house, he saw Cassidy's father down the block heading for the place. He must have known someone was watching because he stopped at the bottom of the stairs, looked around, then walked away. An hour later I got a phone call, it was him. He told me about Cragen, told me what he was trying to hide from me, and that he had to get even now. He laughed and then he told me that if I wanted it to be quick and painless I'd lose the protective detail and just let him in."

"You should have called me!" Elliot said with passion in his voice, masking the fear and slight anger. "Not Dean, baby…"

"Dean was outside, El," she said, looking into his eyes. "You know he has the phone tapped, so he heard everything. I didn't call him."

Elliot nodded and pulled her closer. "We're okay. We'll be okay. I promise. We're gonna get this guy, baby."

She scoffed. "Yeah, Porter making you babysit me twenty-four-seven while they follow a paper-trail isn't gonna…"

"We, you and me, Porter's not included," he cut her off and pressed a soft kiss. "No one wants to step up and deal with this because Cragen's involved, they want to handle this according to protocol and regulations like it's just another case. Screw that."

She looked at him again, this time her eyes were cold, with only the barest bit of love in them. "You're right," she said, finding her strength. "This is…this was never going to be someone else's job, was it? From the moment my apartment blew to bits, this was our problem."

Elliot smirked. He ran a hand through her hair, suppressing the urge to grab the ends of her locks and yank. He loved her like this, powerful, strong, a bit violent. He saw it all in her eyes. "Yeah," he said. "It was."

Her eyes flashed, and for a moment she felt a little vengeful. So much had been taken away from her and she sat by and let it all happen instead of taking this stand with Elliot. "What are we waiting for?" she asked, turning to look at him again. The smile on her face was almost evil.

"What's gotten into you?" he asked, his grin matching hers.

"Something that should have gotten into me a long time ago." She kissed him, then rose to her feet. "I'm ready when you are."

"Now?" Elliot asked, furrowing his brow at her.

"The sooner the better," she said. "I'm not gonna sit around here all day, listening to Munch and Fin ask me questions I can't answer and tell me how pissed off and hurt they were. I know I hurt them, I hurt everyone, El. You, the kids…he ripped me away from everything I love, my job, we couldn't plan a wedding, I lost my job, I'm done! I've done letting him win, and I wanna make the fucker responsible pay for it."

Elliot stood quickly and gripped her shoulders, stopping her frantic and harsh movements. "Calm down, baby," he said. "I know, I know, I do, too, but we can't just…"

"Yes, we can," she said, nodding.

He saw the seriousness and desperation in her eyes. He sighed and ran his fingers through her hair again. "It's been a while since I've seen you that riled up."

"It's been a while since I felt like I was allowed to feel like that," she said. "Since I felt like myself."

He kissed her, and he looked into her eyes. "Let's go get our life back."

She pulled away from him and swung open the door. She ran down the steps with him right behind her, and Dean looked at them with a worried expression.

"What happened?" Porter asked. "What…"

"We're going," Elliot said, more to Fin and Munch than anyone. "We might not be back for a while."

Porter stepped in front of him. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Well," Elliot said, "First, we're stopping by TARU to get a phone dump on the house line, then we're gonna take a ride up to Hunter in Personnel and see if George Cassidy's home address is still on file."

Porter turned a pretty shade of red. "Like, hell you…"

"We're gonna pay him a little visit," Elliot said, cutting him off. "After we find him, we're gonna look for Cragen. He has a lot of explaining to do." He turned and snarled at Porter. "Basically, we're doing what you should have done a long time ago." His eyes narrowed. "If you would have given this case priority, listened to us when we told you what we suspected and took action, and if you would have been concentrating on getting the people involved before they could make another move, then Liv and I would…"

He had stopped midsentence, his eyes flickering with a gross realization. "You knew that," he said, his voice low. "You knew that if you got this mess cleaned up as soon as possible, we'd be making plans, and sending out invitations, and having a shower and you…you wanted to keep us from doing that as long as possible." He took a step forward as Porter took a step backward. "The longer you kept the case open, the longer you'd have to be in her life, watching her, controlling her."

"Elliot, calm down," Porter said, backing away and holding his hands up.

"I am calm," Elliot spat. "This is as calm as I can be right now, you son of a bitch! Do you have any idea of the hell you've put us through?" He raised his hand to grab Porter's throat.

"Elliot!" Olivia snapped. "He's not worth it."

Elliot closed his hand, balling into a fist. He took a step back and said, "We're going. We're taking care of this."

"I can't let you do that, Elliot. This is not a Special Victims Case," Porter said, his voice loud but shaky. He was always a bit intimidated by Elliot.

Elliot smirked. "That's good," he said. He unclipped his badge and slapped it onto his desk. "Because I'm not a Special Victims Detective." He grunted and turned, pulling Olivia roughly toward the door and out of the room.

Fin and Munch, with wide eyes and dropped jaws, simultaneously turned and glared at Porter. "Hey," Fin hissed. "You have a few questions to answer."

* * *

Morales had been surprised to see Olivia, to say the least, and he gladly helped them get the information they needed. The threatening phone call had come from a cell phone, disposable and untraceable. They had to convince their friend in Personnel that he wouldn't get into trouble, although it was, technically, against policy to search through records without a reason or open case.

Address in hand, they left, hoping to put an end to this nightmare once and for all. Elliot's foot was pressing a little too hard on the gas, they didn't have a lot of time before Porter would call in his troops and take the credit for figuring it all out. He wanted to do this; he had to be the one to take them down. His pride was at stake.

"Slow down," Olivia said, timidly reaching for his hand. She ran a finger over his knuckles, sheer white as his hands clutched the wheel.

"No," he responded quite quickly. "No way. That fucking asshole, Liv, he was purposely keeping you…"

"I know he was," she interrupted, "But I don't want to die on this highway, El."

Elliot laughed, sounding slightly crazy. "We're not gonna die," he said. He changed lanes, took the closest exit, and sped down the road toward their destination.

She took a breath and closed her eyes, thinking calming thoughts, and then she remembered why this had all happened. "You don't think he raped her, do you?"

Elliot coughed. He didn't know what to say. "I don't think anything, right now, baby. I know things. I know he blew up your apartment, whether or not he intended to kill you isn't my concern. I know he killed Cassidy and left him on the hood of the sedan. I know you're now being chased by a vengeful father, who knows that Cragen had something to do with you and your mother and never fucking told you. I know all of that, and that's enough of a reason to…"

"Stop," she commanded. "That's the house."

The brakes screeched and the car came to a halt with a jerk. They both got out of the car, hands immediately flying to their weapons, and they headed up the stairs. "You left your badge…"

"I know I did," Elliot said. "I'm not a cop right now, I'm a pissed off man with a grudge and a gun."

She eyed him for a moment, then nodded. He reached for the doorknob, just as the door flew open.

"Well, hello," the man said, grinning. "How nice, you came to me and saved me the trouble of coming back to get you later. And you brought my friend with you."

Elliot aimed his gun and cocked the trigger. "I wouldn't say I'm a friend, George."

"I wasn't talking about you," Cassidy's father said, smiling as another trigger was cocked, behind Olivia and Elliot.

Elliot, keeping his gun aimed, turned his head, as Olivia did the same. His eyes narrowed to slits as hers widened, and before either one could honestly react, the man they were now facing pulled his trigger.

It was a clean shot, right between the eyes, killing its target instantly.

Olivia's eyes welled up but she couldn't cry, not yet. "You…you just shot…you killed him."

The man nodded. "That was the plan," he said.

"Don," Olivia whispered. "Why…what…"

Cragen turned his gun around and held it out to the only man left standing. "Arrest me," he said.

Elliot, spattered with blood and still in shock that he'd just watched his captain and friend kill George Cassidy, shook his head. "I can't."

"Elliot, I know what I did," Cragen said. "Take me in so I can explain what…"

"I can't." Elliot said, awareness hitting him like a bullet. "I'm not…shit, I think I quit."

Cragen's eyes widened, and then slid slowly closed. "Stabler," he said, sounding disappointed. "What the hell did you do?"

Olivia, fighting conflicting emotions, reached into her pocket. She gripped her badge, squeezing it tightly, and said, "Just get him in the car, Elliot."

Elliot looked around, down at the body bleeding onto the carpet beyond the open door, then back up at Cragen. He saw her walking toward the car and shouted, "Liv, baby, I can't, I don't have…"

"I do," she shouted over her shoulder as she got behind the wheel. She needed answers, and she was gonna make sure she got them.

**A/N: Does Elliot take his badge back, or has Porter already called someone to alert them to their actions. A confrontation with Cragen makes Elliot unstable, and Olivia's entire life flashes before her eyes, in the last chapter. Why? Review here or on Twitter: TMG212**


	10. Part 10

**A/N: An answer. A conflict. A resolution. **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. The story you are about to read belongs to Tstabler©**

Cragen was brught in, led to the interrogation room, and went quiet. He refused to open his mouth, refused to say anything to anyone. He just sat there, silent, in the interrogation room, ignoring Munch and Fin as they threw questions at him. he loked up, wondering how Olivia was handling all of this.

Olivia was pacing back and forth in the cribs; Elliot sat on a bed watching her. "Stop it," he said, his hands balling into fists. "Liv, please? Stop."

She kept walking, back and forth, wearing a thin path into the carpet. She shook her head and folded her arms.

"Damn it, Liv," he yelled, standing and grabbing her, stopping her. "Calm down!"

She looked into his eyes. "Calm down? El, I just found out the only man I've ever really trusted, besides you, has been lying to me! Keeping this life-altering secret from me! Jesus, El, do you have any idea what I'm going through right now?"

"Not really," he said, his eyes narrow. "You're walking around here like a zombie instead of talking to me, so how could I?"

She sighed as her eyes closed. "I don't know what to do, here, El," she admitted softly. "He won't tell them anything, I don't know if he's…"

"Shh," he hushed, wrapping her in his arms. "Just breathe. You've survived this long without knowing. Cragen's going down for murder anyway, he'll talk. He doesn't have a choice. But right now, just breathe."

"You quit," she mumbled into his chest. "You fucking quit. How am I supposed to come back without you…"

"I talked to Porter," Elliot interrupted. "While you were in the bathroom, I talked to him. He knows why I did it, he called Tucker and told him that I was taking a few days unpaid leave to deal with you being home and things with Cragen. I get my badge back on Monday."

She looked up at him curiously. "What?"

He nodded. "I guess he felt bad about keeping this case open and keeping people from working it just because he didn't want to lose you for good." He kissed her forehead and whispered, "I don't blame him. I wouldn't let you go that easily either."

"You wouldn't," she laughed. She blinked once again, her mind wandering to the goings on downstairs. "I don't know what I'm gonna do if he's the man who raped my mother, and it's been covered up by the whole fucking unit all these years."

"You're gonna be fine," he told her, rubbing her back soothingly. "You're gonna realize that Cragen isn't who you really thought he was, but that the man you did know did his best to treat you like his daughter. You're gonna know you don't come from a monster, but from a man who probably got just as trashed as your mother did that night, they were both alcoholics, you know that. This could have been a horrible mistake made because he was wasted, and so was she. Maybe it wasn't rape at all, your mother just couldn't live with the fact that she let herself get so drunk she slept with a man she hardly knew."

"You're trying," she said with a soft smile. "You're trying so hard, and I love you for it."

He grinned, kissing her, and said, "I'm gonna try even harder. Stay here."

She raised an eyebrow, not letting him go. "Don't," she warned.

He looked back at her, tugged his arm free from her grip, and kissed her passionately, trying to keep the heat down and the emotion up. "I'll be right back."

"Famous last words," she whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek. "Don't do anything you're gonna regret."

He smirked as his eyes narrowed. "I won't regret a damned thing, baby." He nodded once at her, then left, taking the stair two at a time and barging into the interrogation room. "Excuse us, Fin," he said.

"Elliot, man, you're not allowed to…"

"This isn't an official interrogation," Elliot interrupted. "Just two men talking. Privately. And shut the blinds, would you?"

Fin eyed him suspiciously, nodded, and gave Cragen a hard look as he left the room. He shut the blinds, but he kept the monitor volume turned up. He stood beside Ed Tucker and Dean Porter, listening to Cragen speak.

"Elliot," the man said, "I never meant for any of this to…"

"Save it," Elliot said. "Just answer a few questions for me." He leaned over, looking the captain in his eyes. "Did you know Olivia was home when you pushed that button?"

"No," Cragen said, shaking his head.

Elliot got out of his seat, the men listening heard the legs of the chair scrape against the floor. "Did you feel anything, anything at all, when Dean and I told you she was dead?"

Cragen coughed. "Guilt. Fear. Regret. Pain. I felt it all, but it was all masked by…relief."

"Relief?" Elliot asked. "Because it meant you would never have to tell her you were her father? You'd never have to see the look on her face when she found out you raped her mother?"

Cragen shouted, "I didn't! I don't…I don't remember that night too clearly, but I know she was willing. She wanted it as much as I did, but we were drunk, Elliot. Very drunk, and very….very stupid."

"Is that what made you quit drinking?" Elliot asked, walking toward the window of the room. "You heard her reporting a rape. You listened to her recount the attack, over and over again, and you couldn't remember if you were the man that did it." He turned to Cragen. "The case went cold, good news for you, and a few months later you found out Serena had a kid, you knew it was yours, and you stopped drinking, hoping to remember what happened. Hoping to remember whether or not you raped her or if you didn't.

Cragen made a small noise, but said nothing.

Elliot smirked. "And then the plane crash, you lost your wife, and you had nothing. You got your memory back, or your version of it anyway, and you went to find Serena. You wanted that baby." He folded his arms. "She had no idea who you were, she didn't recognize you at all, you left empty handed. Then, twenty-four years later, Olivia walks into your squad-room. Some coincidence," he said.

"Don't do this, Elliot. Haven't I been through enough? Go take care of Olivia," Cragen pled.

Elliot stepped toward him. "You know, when she walked into this place, I knew my life was over. Nothing mattered. Nothing except her. I ran every search I could, trying to find out everything I could about her. And ya know what I found when I pulled up her records from the academy?"

"Elliot, stop it. That's an order," Cragen said, his voice loud.

Elliot grinned. "No one told you? I'm not on duty, right now. I don't have to take orders from you, or anyone else, until Monday." He walked toward the door, and he turned the bolt, locking it.

"Stabler," Cragen said through a clenched jaw, "Olivia needs you."

"And you needed her," Elliot said. "That's why you requested that she be sent to the One-Six. You knew who she was, and you all but demanded that she be sent to the same precinct you were in, but you lucked out when she waltzed into your department."

Cragen sighed. "Does she know?" he asked.

Elliot shook his head. "I always assumed you'd tell her," he said. "I thought you were waiting for an appropriate moment, but then this all happened, and you're never gonna get the chance." He took a step toward the table. "You…she trusted you," he said, his voice darkening.

"Elliot," Cragen said, a warning, as he backed his chair away.

"You hurt her," Elliot said, reaching for Cragen's throat. He grabbed, pulled, and lifted the man to his feet. "You hurt her, and now it's my job to hurt you."

There were knocks on the door, frantic turning of handles and the jingling of keys. Fin's voice begged him not to do it, Porter warned that Olivia could hear everything, and Tucker shouted for him not to risk everything, Cragen wasn't worth it.

Elliot just smirked and squeezed, ignoring the man clawing at his hands. "You destroyed her life, our lives. You let her spend years searching for a man that didn't exist because you were too chicken to tell her, you didn't wanna risk finding out if you were a rapist. If you were one of the assholes that we put away. Afraid that the only two people in the world who knew about it would talk if you didn't do them a favor, if you didn't risk your own daughter's life for your partner's son's silence."

Cragen made a wheezing noise, but Elliot squeezed harder.

"You still afraid?" Elliot asked.

The door flew open. Fin and Olivia ran over to him and pulled him away from Cragen. The disgraced captain dropped to the floor as Olivia turned Elliot around roughly.

They stared at each other, just looking into each other's eyes. Olivia moved first, gripping the sides of his face as she crashed her lips into his.

He moaned in relief as he wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tight, ignoring Porter and Tucker in the doorway, watching, panting, and calming down. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

Olivia nodded and kissed him again. She ran her hands over his face, through his hair, and she said, "I know you are."

He kissed her again, trying to let the angry and resentment slip away, and he whispered, "I'm sorry I never told you he…"

"I would have hated you," she interrupted. "It's okay. I get why you didn't." She pressed her lips to his again.

Fin lifted Cragen up, and brought him over to Tucker and Porter. "Olivia," he called. "I'm really so sorry about everything. And I…I can't tell you what happened between your mother and me, I wish I could. All I know is…you're mine."

Elliot shook his head. "You're wrong," he said. "I'm the one who stood up for her, protected her, and has never lied to her. I'm the one who was ready to die for her, and still am. She's not yours, Cragen. She's mine."

Olivia looked at him, a small smile shining through her tearful face. "I love you," she whispered.

Elliot kissed her. "I love you, too, honey." He linked their hands, not even watching them take Cragen away. "We make one hell of a team."

"Especially when we're on our own," she laughed. "We get more accomplished when we don't have to listen to anyone but each other."

"All the time," he chuckled. "We tend to ignore the rules and orders anyway." He nuzzled her nose, kissed her lips, and said, "We have a wedding to plan."

She nodded as she kissed him once more. Their tender moment was interrupted when a short, stocky man with a badge walked in and cleared his throat.

"Excuse me," he said, "But no one's been able to answer me. Do I still have a job here?"

Elliot looked over at Jack McCann, and he smiled. "Yeah," he said. "Just not as my partner, not in that desk. I need you out and across the room by Monday."

McCann looked confused. "Who the hell died and made you captain?"

Elliot chuckled again, and he kissed Olivia one more time. Things were gonna be all right, he knew it. He felt her smile against his lips and he tugged her toward the door. "Let's go get the kids. We have to explain a few things to Kathy," he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

They chatted as they left, kissing and holding each other the whole way toward the elevator. McCann smiled, walked out of the interrogation room and into Cragen's office. He closed the door behind him, picked up the phone, and dialed a number.

He waited for someone to pick up, and when he heard the voice on the other end, he said, "Everything went as planned, Chief. She knows everything, we got Cragen in custody, and they're gonna be fine. Porter's finalizing the report and we're all heading out of here in the morning. I don't know, Sir. Maybe he thought it would be easier this way, if they found out like this. Easier if they hated him for this, ya know? So you don't owe anyone else anymore favors, do you?"

He laughed, listening to the chief's answer, and thought about the last few days. The rogue in the plot was Cragen, and he'd mapped out each step of this horrendous scheme to get the truth out and get rid of the men who were blackmailing him and hurting his family. It was his way, the only way he could do it and feel okay about it. Now that it was all over, life could move on, and Olivia and Elliot could have the happiness they deserved, the happiness he'd taken from them for so long.

He'd made things right, and they'd stay that way. He had faith in them. And he knew the only things they had faith in were God and each other, and that was all that ever really mattered.

**A/N: The END…For now…**


End file.
